Week 3

This week we talked a lot about culture, tradition, and boundaries in family relationships. It made me think a lot about my own family and the relationships I have. Specifically the boundaries part. 

There are three different types of boundaries: Rigid, Poor diffuse, and Clear. The professor related it to houses. The family who lives at the house with Rigid boundaries has a cinderblock fence around their house with barbed wire on the top. That can be very off-putting and shows that they don't let people in that often.  

The family with the poor diffuse boundaries had no fence whatsoever and the door is wide open. At first it seems really cool that they'll let anyone in at anytime, but that can actually become quite dangerous. These people can often be manipulated or hurt by others because of the lack of boundaries. They are walked all over, just like the house would be if there wasn't any fence.

The last family with clear boundaries was depicted as a picket fence. It is around stomach height and is friendly, but still shows that they will let you in on their terms. Simple, clear and direct. 

This last house is what you clearly want to achieve in any sort of relationship, not just with family, but with anyone you come across. The way we communicate needs to be very clear. That doesn't mean that we need to be rude or aggressive, but rather calm, and patient when trying to help others understand where your fence is.

We related these types of boundaries to our family systems, and sometimes those systems in the family aren't healthy. When we leave our parents home often times if we haven't learned healthy habits of communicating and setting boundaries it can cause problems. 

For example I didn't learn that my family had some unhealthy communication habbits until I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. There I was paired up with another sister and I had to learn healthy ways of communicating. After I served for 18 months I came back to live with my parents again for the time being and it was very hard to transition back. I had changed so much and had learned a lot about healthy clear boundaries along with healthier communication. Both of my parents hadn't changed, but I had. It became very hard for me because I felt like I was stuck in this person I was before I had changed and became a better person. I had learned to do healthy things, and yet I was stuck in this cycle I couldn't get out of. Trying to change the role I play/payed in my family to a new one is very very hard, and I am still trying to work on it. It almost seems hopeless at times, but my teacher shared this with me. 

"When you change what you do, you force others to change"

That gave me some hope for trying to better the relationship with my mom and dad the more I go home in between semesters of college.

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