Week 6

 This week we talked about the transitions into marriage. We talked about engagement and what it should be used for. That and What to expect in the first year of your marriage.

During courtship you do a lot of talking and imagining of what things would look like with each other. Then when you are engaged to each other you are practicing putting up boundaries. There is a whole list of things that should be happening when you are engaged. 

Tasks of engagement:

• Wedding planning

Should be doing the planning together (as one) not the women and her friends/parents

• Making clear judgements

• Making clear boundaries

• Saying goodbye to your opposite gender friends

• Planning a marriage

• Establishing what roles you both will play in your family

• Budgeting

In todays day and age engagement has lost a lot of its meaning along with the whole purpose of proposals. The original part of proposals was to show a mans commitment to a woman regardless of what she said, or how committed she was. The men would buy a ring before asking again to show that commitment along with asking the parents for permission to be the main caretaker of their daughter from that moment on. Now we are so scared of rejection that we loose a lot of meaning in almost everything we do. Especially proposals and most of the time they are more for show(bragging), than actually showing that person you love them.

I learned a lot about how much planning and thought needs to go into a relationship before you ever enter into one with someone. Especially if it becomes serious.  Everything in life that brings joy and happiness comes from hard work. A relationship is hard work. You have to work everyday at it for it to become something good and long lasting. You have to make sacrifices. You have to be vulnerable and humble to your partner in order to work together and solve problems together as a team. It is a constant time of making accommodations and adjustments. Change is beautiful though. It is one of the biggest principles in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The way we become the most like God it through change. Through working with people and changing ourselves. 

The most successful and happiest people in the world are those who have a "we" mindset instead of a "me" mindset. If we want to become like Jesus Christ we have to think about others more than we think about ourselves. Everything Christ did was for other people. He was always focused on others. That is what will help us be successful, and that is what creates a successful marriage. Compromise and working with someone. When all you want in life is to make that person happy, that is when you will find the most happiness in your life and marriage. 

There are a lot of learning curves that come with marriage especially in that first year. You'll have to make a lot of sacrifices and work to make sure that marriage is good. Some learning curves that may happen are:

First month

• Eating habits/menu

• Sleeping habits

• Sharing space together

• Cleanliness

• Organization

• Employment 

• Roles established (job, chore distribution, prayer and scripture study, managing finances, )

• Communication styles

First year

• Learning about your spouse's needs

• Finding out what things means to your spouse

• Deciding what you two are going to do vs how either of your families have done it

• Talking about viewpoints on conflict

• Conflict management = trust, compromise, sacrifice 

• Trust the other person to make good decisions

• Constant Adjustment 

• Accommodate 

• Parenting styles and discipline styles

It takes a lot of practice in learning how to change. Lots of advice I hear is to marry later in life, but honestly you are more accustomed to change when you are younger. These problems or challenges that most people find within the first couple of years in a marriage can be better dealt with when you are younger. That and most people can't have kids after a certain age. That takes planning too. When you are going to have kids with your spouse. How old you are going to be when the youngest leaves. What you are going to be able to do with your children as you age. Will you be able to run around with them, or will you sit around because your body is shutting down. There is a lot that goes into marriage planning. Some people opt out of those things like having kids, so that they can travel. They say they'll have kids later, but by the time they are done they aren't able to have any, and so they miss out on an incredible opportunity to become more like God and have a family. 

When you talk to people at the end of their lives and ask what their biggest regrets are it boils down to these three things:

1. not getting married

2. not having children

3. not fulfilling dreams

I know when I get to the end of my life I don't want to have these regrets. I want to life a happy fulfilled life. I feel that is by dating properly to eventually lead to a happy marriage. With children, and teach them important things about their own lives. Teach them about planning and about how when we surround ourselves with people and focus on others that is when we will find the most joy and meaning in our lives.