Week 11

 This week we talked about things that I think I want to incorporate in every aspect of my life. It has helped me understand so much about not only myself but every child to ever exist on this planet. We talked about parenting and basic human needs that explain behavior. 

We talked about how depending on where you live depends on what you will want to teach your kids. For example if you lived in a monarchy society you would want your children to learn the skills of: Obedience, Compliance, Clever. If you lived in a Democracy setting you would  probably want your children to learn the skills of: Courage (confidence to take a known risk for a known purpose), Self-esteem (confidence in your ability to succeed), Responsibility (the ability to respond to challenges and opportunities), Cooperation (the ability to work together with others toward a common goal), Respect (treating others as worthwhile, valuable human beings).

Everything we do has meaning, and what we teach our children has meaning. Our interactions with them are important for them to learn how to function in the world before they actually get to it. They can have a safe environment to experiment with those skills and learning them rather than having the harsh situations of the world to contend with. 

We then went into what is called THE NEEDS APPROACH for addressing behavior and how to recognize what your kids behavior says about them, and how to fix/address it. 

THE NEEDS APPROACH (what every human needs other than food and water of course)

If we just focus on controlling the behavior, you will fail every time.

  • Start by recognizing the children's needs we can be much wiser


  1. Contact (children won’t develop properly without physical contact, one lady hugging on kids saved the hospital) (dancing, wrestling, hugging, eye contact, conversation contact, dads can specialize in playful contact )

  2. Belonging (all mammals really thrive on it, when you contribute and make a difference, helping them contribute )

  3. Power (influence our own environment, choices, )

  4. Protection (both to protect, and to be protected)

  5. Withdrawal (taking breaks from things, take a step back, )

  6. Challenge (sports, plan and design things, some hobbies, sticking with things that are hard, parents often interfere with that)


Mistaken approaches (when needs aren’t met)

Contact and belonging

  • Undue attention seeking (starvation economy, trying to compensate for unmet needs, you can never get enough of what you don’t need because what you don’t need won't satisfy you...)

Power

  • Rebellion

  • Control others

Protection

  • Revenge

Withdrawal

  • Undue Avoidance (everything on the internet is designed to keep you on it, extreme avoidance and filling that void with other things

Challenge

  • Undo Risk Taking


Parental approaches

Contact and belonging

  • Offer contact freely

  • Teach children to contribute (for those who don’t want to contribute asking them that you need them to do it, then coming and thanking them…teaching them it is an important thing to do)

Power 

  • Offer choices (clothes, what to eat, times to do things…now or later, not letting them choose everything, age appropriate and situation appropriate)

  • Consequences associated with those situations (positive and negative) (your brain doesn’t develop if you don’t experience consequences. Our job is to navigate a safe way to help them figure out the consequences….elders hand holding children close to fire until the heat makes it uncomfortable. The more your children interact with reality the better off they will be.)

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      =    Develop response-ability


Protection

  • Teach Assertiveness (I feel this when you do this statements, learning your own boundaries, by example, to assert means to put yourself forward, tolerating children's efforts with it)

  • Teach Forgiveness (show it)

Withdrawal

  • Teach wise breaks (work with your children)

Challenge

  • Encourage Skill Building (we need to focus on important skills that matter not necessarily things like sports or piano, but something that is more principle based, controlling our bodies and feelings…dancing with the opposite sex, having good conversations, hard work/diligence, etc… )

These principles have helped me realize in myself when I am actually getting needs met and when I need to do something to fix it. I talked to my roommate about it and told her why I was behaving a certain way and it totally makes sense. Now I know how to not only correct it in  myself, but I can use this information to help others. It makes it so much easier to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and help determine how to help people. God is so good and designed everything so amazingly. The fact that this is a pattern we can recognize and use to benefit us and future generations is mind boggling to me. I have never felt more than now that there is a God in heaven who loves us, and wants to help us.

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