Week 9

 Problems with communication! I absolutely love communication (I am still human though and am not perfect at it). I love learning about it, and practicing it, so this week was very exciting for me. I have used some of the principles that we talked about, but never really successfully and in a format that can be followed step by step. This is life changing stuff. 

out of all communication the only percentage of it that is words is 14%. The rest is your tone of voice (35%) and non verbal (51%) communication. So how we communicate is very important. Sometimes when communicating with others it can be misinterpreted, because in our world today we really such at communication. More than ever before. Luckily there are 5 secrets/steps to effective communication that we learned about.

5 secrets of effective communication 


  1. Disarming technique

Find, and state the kernel of truth of what someone has said, even if it seems unreasonable.

  • You don’t feel overwhelmed anymore when you look for the kernel of truth. You are able to think clearly and stop being defensive.

  • The savior talked about loving your enemies, being meek and humble. Meek = not willing to do harm, choosing not to use your strength. Alma 61, Ephesians 4, 

Empathy skill

  1. Empathy

Thought empathy : repeating back what they said

Feeling empathy : pointing out the emotions of what the other person is feeling

  • Reflect your tone with the tone they presented. 

Mosiah 18:8-10; mourn with those that mourn, comfort, bare burdens

Empathy skill

  1. Inquiry

Check your understanding; 

Empathy skill

  1. “I feel” Statement

When —------------------ (situation/event)

I felt —---------------------(emotion)

Because —---------------(thought)

I would like —------------(share wish/request)

Assertive skill

  1. Stroking

We let someone know something we authentically admire, and appreciate about them.

  • Changes how you feel about them. 

  • If you are insincere it will backfire.

Respect skill


Each of these is important especially in an argumentative situation. The better you get at these skills the better not only your communication will be, but also your relationship with that person. All of these principles can be found all throughout the scriptures. Christ taught us to love our enemies and bless those that curse us (stroking). When He teaches He often uses steps 2-3. When talking with the pharisees He uses step 1. They are all over, and very effective. 

You don't have to use them in their exact order, but it is important to use all of the steps. otherwise you might get some miss communication.  

We then went on to talk about communication in families, and how that is done. It is important to have balance. Here are some that we came up with.

Different ways of making decisions in a family:

  • A council (everyone went around a circle and presented their opinions and feelings)

  • Parents behind closed doors

  • Dominating characters (1 always ruled over the other)

  • Dividing roles (one is in charge of certain things, and the other about different things)

  • MUTUAL DECISION MAKING

  • Lords will

Each of the things shown can be good options, but my teacher said the most effective ways to have communication are to study it out on your own and together. Then come together and make a decision. Then pray and present it to the Lord to ask if it is right. Then if it isn't, be willing to adjust to what the lords will is over our own. Then ask again after the adjustment. Always have communication between you and your spouse and you and your children. It is so important.

I don't know if that made sense, but I do know that communication (good communication) can solve 90% of problems, especially between two people. God is the master of communication, and wants us to learn effective communication so that there isn't room for misinterpretation. Misinterpretations can often lead to pain and hurt feelings. God wants us to be happy and have healthy relationships, that is why he shows us in the scriptures these patterns that we can not only recognize by practice ourselves. I think that is very cool of Him to do for us! 

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