Week 7
This week we talked about sex and the differences between men and women. We also talked about the different kinds of infidelity, and the influence of porn in relationships.
To start off women need to feel safe, warm, and close to their partner in order to want to have sex, and men want to have sex so they can feel safe warm and close to their partner. Which can cause some problems in a relationship if there isn't a lot of communication. Both partners will feel misunderstood and like their partner does not love them....when in reality they do.
This isn't the only difference. When people actually have sex men tend to get aroused a lot faster than women. They hit their climax most of they time way before a woman will even be close to hitting hers. After a man hits their climax evidence shows that they are pretty much done, and can't continue one. Whereas if a woman hits climax they can have several climax's before she is done. This can lead to three main problems:
1. Both partners feel unsatisfied
2. Creates a lot of misunderstanding
3. Women tend to feel more used/frustrated
Because Sex and Intimacy is such a special thing that God has created why would God make us like this? Some may suggest that He is setting us up to fail, to just feel frustrated and to give up. However this is in fact the complete opposite of what God has intended. Sex is so sacred and such a big part of a marriage's relationship God makes it an incredible opportunity to work together to serve one another rather than focusing on our own selfish needs.
In "The Family, A Proclamation To The World" it states: In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.
Sex is not only for making and bringing God's children into the world (which is an incredible blessing/responsibility He gives us) but it is for an opportunity to serve your partner. Our bodies are useless without the other. It is an opportunity to make yourself one with your partner; to bring two people together and make them stronger. If used in the wrong way it can detriment relationships. That is also why Porn is so bad.
Porn takes your mind elsewhere and doesn't have you focused on your partner. It objectifies such a sacred act and destroys the person who watches it. It can make you incredibly selfish, rather than focusing on your partners needs, and often leads to infidelity in a relationship (because one isn't satisfied in the relationship they seek other means to get satisfied). A relationship is a partnership, one where you work together and communicate ones wants and desires. In our society today the world would have us believe otherwise.
In the talk "Three principles of Marriage" Matthew O. Richardson says:
While the world seems to emphasize behavioral differences between men and women and leads some to conclude that such differences are insurmountable, prophets have taught that through marriage men and women can become whole. Differences in communication patterns, reasoning, emotions, and even personal preferences may actually benefit a couple. “In the Lord’s plan,” Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “it takes two—a man and a woman—to form a whole.”12 When a man and a woman fully understand that they can be complete only with each other, they learn to appreciate their differences and adjust their behavior as required in the Lord’s plan of happiness. This type of acceptance and adjustment is characteristic of followers of Christ. Oneness or unity is often spoken of in the scriptures as a characteristic of discipleship.
Unity in marriage is not achieved simply by kneeling at an altar and accepting a spouse. It requires effort for a couple to become one. Marital unity doesn’t mean that spouses agree on everything. It also doesn’t mean they have to spend every minute of every day together, think the same thoughts, and order the same meal at restaurants. Rather than relying on our interpretation of what “one flesh” means in marriage, it would be well to consider this divine concept as taught in the scriptures...
When you care more about what your partner wants rather than your own desires that is where true love and satisfaction comes in. To know that your partner is satisfied, you can work together and make every decision together, because it effects both of you in the marriage. That principle applies in all decision making in a marriage, to think in "we" and "our" rather then "me" and "I".
That talk is really good, if you want to read it here is the link : https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2005/04/three-principles-of-marriage?lang=eng
In order to become "one flesh" like is says in the scriptures (Genesis 2:24), we need to be complete fidelity in our marriages. What does infidelity look like? What are the different types? How do you avoid it? To start off lets look at the different kinds:
1. Physical/Sexual
This includes visually fantasizing
2. Emotional
Spending time with people who aren't your spouse
3. Financial
Lying about spending habits.
All types of infidelity can lead to other types. If you start on one it is hard to stop. This topic was very intriguing when we went over them. I think most people understand the first one as infidelity, but the second and third may confuse some people. For emotional infidelity it can be harder to recognize at times, because at times it is natural when just talking to people. So I'll give an example (the example my professor gave). He said imagine two couples that were neighbors decide they are going to go running in the morning together, to help motivate healthy habits. Both husbands and both wives love the idea and it is going very well. One day, one of the wives and one of the husbands can't come, but they are both supportive that their spouses keep up the habit for a little bit while they are MIA. It seems harmless at first, but the neighbors end up running together for a couple of days while their partners are out of commission. They end up chatting about everything under the sun, asking about their partners and how they are doing. Eventually these two people start wondering in their off time what they would think about certain topics. How would they respond to this problem. Then they eventually start talking about their problems in their marriage to each other. This creates rifts in their marriage. Basically rather than talking to their own spouses about problems and other things they would be lead to think about someone else, which can then lead to physical infidelity. Don't discuss things that are between you and your spouse with other people. That is for you and your spouse only to discuss, no one else.
The next if financial. My professor showed that when people get married and don't combine completely (bank accounts, and other) they are setting up for a marriage. They aren't all in, and aren't fully committed to that person. It starts out as having a backup account, but then turns into a place where lies can begin and just has a snowball effect. Now you can have separate accounts on things, but your spouse needs to have complete access to that account if they needed to access it. Otherwise that is financial infidelity.
I think that this scripture sums up what we went over in all aspects 1 Corinthians 7: 1-5
"1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me, saying, It is good for a man not to touch a woman.(jst) 2 Nevertheless, I say, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (jst) 3 Let the ahusband render unto the bwife due cbenevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.5 Depart ye not one from the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.(jst) "
Let us be one, be faithful, and be committed to our significant others. They are sacred, and our relationships are sacred.
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